who cares

you can read this. i want you to.

it's all light right now. all weightless and waiting for tomorrow. that's when i'll get started. i'll be gay tomorrow. i'll be skinny tomorrow. i'll make friends tomorrow. i don't need any of that now. now, i'm just here. just here.

"how many times do i have to tell you? i'll do it tomorrow!" -the shitty mom in gracie's choice.

i think if i go to college next year i'm just going to wither up and die. do you ever feel that way? about anything. like if i stop moving for too long (which i already have), i just won't ever be able to move again. people will see me, a huge backpack over my shoulder, frozen in the chair of some sociology classroom. drooling. they'll knock on my forhead and it'll make little "dink dink" noises, like on a glass tv screen. "got another code purplish beige here, fellas!" the security guy will yell. and they'll haul me off and give me lots of acid and cold pizza with ranch dressing, and send me off to backpack through europe. you know? or is that just me.

is it bad that i've only been a christian a year and a half and i'm already sick of christianity? i walk into a christian bookstore and they're selling sixty dollar bibles and fleece travel blankets with john 3:16 printed on them, and i want to find the manager and spew all over him. okay maybe not spew. but you know. teenagers all want to change the world, right? just because i have this burning passion about something, doesn't really mean anything. it's just a phase. sigh.

posted by: monsoon at 20:21 | link | comments (1) |

Comments:

#1  24 February 2005 - 12:12

 

its not a phase, its a feeling that never goes away until you realize that nearly all christians and meatheads without any real idea of what their religion is actually based on. at that point you find that since you already rely on yourself anyway to tell you what is right and wrong that you dont need the meatheads to do it for you. its ok if you need to spew because of it, you will feel better and the little plastic baby jesus will never know the difference. at least you will be spewing because you care about how out of touch with his message and ideas that christianity really is. he will probably appreciate that more than the million times he has been shit on by money grubbing holy rollers who claim to know the truth but really just make it up to suit themselves. make a change in your life and thought and the world does change, or at least your perception of it. Im not saying that it gets any better, but at least it gets more real.

sorry if i offend, i was trying to be encouraging, but im not very good at it.

john_b

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